Thoughts From The Editor

I have not posted very often, and I apologize for that. I figured I would offer my thoughts in the form of a story:

Fingers gripping tightly to the sticky undersides of the arm rests; eyes twitching left and right, breath quickening as my stomach felt empty. Teeth chattering as if a draft ran through the theater; right leg bouncing up and down in nervous anticipation. I was about to embark on my greatest journey into manhood at eleven with only the advice of my then fourteen-year-old brother.

I thought over my objective, it was simple. No sweat! No way could anything go wrong! Right? My mind drifted from my task; sports, toys, the uncomfortable theater seat, all more comforting than any thoughts of the destiny I now seem fated to fulfill. My mind raced through insecurities and worries, worst case scenarios and mission objectives and how I was doomed for failure. I saw my brother before, a yawn, a smile, and his arm sauntering around the girl. Then heroes and heroines embraced, sappy music oozed into the theater, time was running out. Panic had set in as I imagined it did with Colonel Custard. I decided now was the time, now I could leave behind happy meals and toys, embrace Big Mac’s and MTV. No yawn, a nervous cough, no smile, an uneasy grimace, and then I swung my arm back in a swift, jerky motion only to have my elbow crash into her eye; a black eye the result of my ill-fated attempt to be adult.

“You did what?” He asked quizzically. I had failed, ashamed, crestfallen; the end of the world had surely come. His laugh filled my head, a firm hand on my shoulder while we walked down the street. “No sweat,” he always said that, “I guess I just gotta teach ya better.” That laugh, I forced through a nod and listened. I have looked to him without question; unwavering in my support as a soldier to his general, in a hope, that one day, his instructions in “cool” will finally pay their dividends.

My brother is inspirational not because of his disastrous advice with girls, but as the Golden Mean of how to conduct one self. My brother, as far as I and the rest of the girls on Earth are concerned, was perfect; grades, sports, clubs, hair…Don’t forget the hair. He would toss it back and let his fingers slide through that blonde mane, flashing pearly whites upon their mesmerized captors.

I attempted to dress like him, act like him, be him; and it was at this point in which my idolization became admiration. He scolded me for mimicking him and not becoming my own person, “Influences,” he said, “help shape you, don’t let yourself become the influence.” Benevolence is not a unique trait, neither hard work, nor intelligence and charm; yet it is how one goes about applying those traits that forms us as people, for we are reflections of our surroundings, yet reflections still possess distortions.

I had been told that kindness returns ten fold, that being different was okay, that we did have a home, and we did not have to “look the part” to be apart of a society. If alienation and identity were my challenges, he helped me overcome it; while I had no economic or physical impediments, I did have a crisis of where I belonged. But now, I have his swagger, his old lucky blazer, and that golden mane, I guess next is to try and work on those girls.

By: Osama Eisa – Editor-in-Chief


1 Response to “Thoughts From The Editor”

  1. 1 Tom October 16, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    what a real change of pace for the blog

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