Brace yourself, for I fear this weeks guest contributors could be of the most epic proportions this blog has ever met. Half cape-bearing superheroes, half 80’s music mash-ups, the creative force of Wyld Stallyns will grace the pages of Eleven this coming week. I introduce to you Sir David Fung IV and a Lord Justin Maximus Harsch, the creators of Wyld Stallyns…
11: In your most humble opinion, what beats have nearly gotten the party started most recently?
Justin: Judging me by my music tastes by one artist right of the bat eh? I’m gonna give a shout out to the boys of With the Punches in this spot.
Dave: I’m answering this at work right now with the top hits of today’s music playing… so… I guess I’m listening to the hot new T-Pain/Lil’ Wayne/Rihanna/Kanye/Ne-Yo joint at the moment.
11: That’s quite the collaboration you speak of Dave. Perhaps such a hodge-podge of inspiration can be found in your style. Who has influenced your style gentlemen?
J: The first dude to ever wear jeans and a t-shirt… at the same time.
D: Christian Slater from the 1989 Classic, “Gleaming the Cube” had some fresh style.
11: I’m still waiting on a Paul Bunyan inspirational reference so it could transition with ease into the next question. Nevertheless, is a mustache ever inappropriate?
J: If you’re under 30, it’s rarely appropriate. Because you need to earn it. It’s like a sign of rugged fearlessness. This is the test: If you were on an airplane and a passenger needed to land the airplane… would you want this guy to take the controls? If the answer is yes, than that man deserves a mustache.
D: I agree with that statement except if said man has a ponytail, in which case he‘s most likely the cause of your in-flight terror. Ponytail + mustache = villain. DO NOT WANT.
11: I may even suggest that in the instance of landing a plane successfully, sans stache, you instantly grow a man-stache, one of the most rugged, burly handlebar mustaches that has ever graced the wildest of wests. I digress. With mustaches and spurs aside, what is your favorite pair of shoes?
J: Ask me again in 2015.
D: My Jimmy Choos.
11: Alright guys, for the really reals, do you think fashion is important?
J: Not as long as you don’t look like a tool-douchebag-ugly-pants.
D: Fashion has the power to change the world. If everyone just put a little more thought into whether or not their peak lapel navy 2-button blazer/rugby collared shirt/knit tie/slightly too short khaki highwaters combo appropriately matched their rugged yet sophisticated magenta desert boots, I sincerely believe there would be no war. Mainly because we’d all be too fabulous for combat.
11: Are there any rules of fashion that you never break or choose to break?
J: #5 and #9
D: Comfort. That’s my motto…well, that and everybody Wang Chung tonight.
11: Ahh, fashion rule #5 is a fricken doosy! What are your feelings on the man-bag?
J: I don’t know where I’d be without them. I thought they were called body bags though.
D: I like ’em! I often need a large satchel to carry my most precious items around. Things I need at a moment’s notice like my wallet, camera, notebook, stapler, Big League Chew, VHS tape of All Dogs Go To Heaven, brass knucks, 10 feet of rope, and a Super Soaker 600.
11: Ya know, what happened to the good ol’ days of the Super Soaker 600. Now water guns can practially shoot laser beams and water through concrete slabs. Concrete penetrating laser water! What the hell. Aside from noticing an individuals’ latest statements of water gun technology and Nerf dart guns, what is the first thing you notice in another person’s outfit?
J: … depends on what they want me to notice. If a girl wants me to notice her legs, I probably will. If a guy wants me to notice the band on his t-shirt, I probably will. If a mechanic wants me to notice his name, I probably will.
D: I notice their shirt…and the lack of my hands under it.
11: If you were running for President, what would your slogan be?
J & D: Be excellent to each other.
11: I wish there were an air guitar audio clip to match that answer. Lastly, the most important question of them all, would you rather have a Jerry Curl or a Mullet?
J: People hear Mullet and think this, but it can be tweaked to be quite effective.
D: I think this settles all future debates: Soul Glow.
11: My mind has just been blown. Thank you Wyld Stallyns, for taking a moment out of your day to add your own flair to the pages of Eleven. Looking forward to this whole week.